Paper #1 - Description

There was the rattling, heavy thunk of the car door as it closed. Through the open windows played James Blake’s “Retrograde”, the notes floating out the window, through my hair, and into the sky.

Away, so show me why you’re strong.

Ignore everybody else.

He stood with his back to me, watching the willow branches sway in the wind, perhaps, or there with his eyes closed, waiting for me.

He turns as I approach, hearing the sound of my footsteps in the grass, albeit muffled. His eyes light up in that way they do, all sparkling crystal blue waters and light blonde eyelashes, catching the light like a kaleidoscope, reflecting every piece of me and him, all intertwined and insepaberable and strong, so very strong. Strong enough to break my heart into many pieces if he ever leaves.

But he won’t.

He hands me a rectangle of mint green tissue paper. He knows I like pretty things.

There are plane tickets to Paris inside.

****

I am back from Paris, in the same clearing from two months ago, but alone this time.

I can still remember the late nights at the cafe with him, the smell of freshly baked bread and cinnamon. I still remember the days we spent in the library, inquiring of each other French words we couldn’t recall; or, perhaps, looking for an excuse to talk to each other. I remember laying with him, talking about how we couldn’t afford this trip, but how that was okay. Because we were together, and it would always be that way. And we’d lie there, holding hands, looking into each others eyes. Silent.

Now, I am alone. Now, he is dead. Foolish, foolish me.

“Youth” by Daughter plays from the truck, through my hair and into the sky.

One day, we’ll reveal the truth -

that one will die before he gets there…

And if you’re in love

Then you are the lucky one

‘Cause most of us are bitter over someone.

I step from the clearing, to the bank of the Mississippi River.

Setting fire to our insides for fun

To distract our hearts from ever missing them.